Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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