"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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