I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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