I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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