His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
