youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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