New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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