Come see our sink grown plant.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
