you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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