So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
