im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
