my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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