Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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