I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
