I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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