i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize