i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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