dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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