Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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