You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
