i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
