weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
