I'm lost and stupid without you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need moral support for this bender
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
