please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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