why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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