fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize