I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
