It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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