the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
