There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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