why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i think i just lost a toe
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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