i was born a porn star she said
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
