if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
