Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
