he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
