he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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