Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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