I can't breathe out the right side of my face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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