in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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