In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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