Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
