Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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