I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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