i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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