Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
