At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
