I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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