they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
