if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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