the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's get the cat blown out
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were trust falling into bushes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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