He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hippo gnu deer
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
