i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
only you would photoshop your dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
