I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
