I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
