Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
