hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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