just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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