they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize