Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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