my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
