Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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